Whenever I try to say something like "I just think things weren't as bad when I was little" in reference to the state of global politics today, my dad will counter with "that's just because you're paying more attention now." I think that's a generally true statement (I was, admittedly, an incredibly oblivious kid), yet I'd still have to argue that 2016 as a year has been particularly vile.
There's been a lot of bad stuff -- Trump, too many police brutality-related deaths, an inordinate amount of mass shootings, wildfires, droughts, Zika, the deaths of too many legends to name, and so many other nasty tastes left in our mouths. It's been a really tough year. This is the first time in my life I've so genuinely feared for my future and the futures of the people that I care about; what will happen to my friends of color? my friends who have immigrated to the US? Countless other disadvantaged groups have reason to fear for their futures in this country, and that concept is bone-chilling. Through all of this turmoil, though, I do believe that there has been light this year, both personally and nationally.
On Sunday, the Army Corps of Engineers announced the halt of the DAPL project -- showing us the power of unity and protest, an incredibly important victory for the people of Standing Rock and a sign that indigenous peoples are still vitally important and relevant to this country's political state. For the first time in history Illinois elected a disabled woman of color, Congresswoman Tammy Duckworth, and 38 women of color will be in Congress after the most recent election, an historic high. I realized what I want in my life, the values I find crucial to my happiness. There are so many people investing their time in sustainable energy, medical research, and the betterment of society. I am doing better in school, I got an ACT score I'm really proud of, I've started reading again, I'm making connections with people I never though I'd really get to know, and that's felt so rewarding and eye-opening. I found some new favorite places around town, accomplished random tiny goals over the summer and fall, and I've begun to learn how to take better care of myself (a very, very long process, I'm finding).
It's been a shitty year, without a doubt, but one of the things I have been really trying to teach myself is that it's not lame to feel humbled and appreciate all of the things you love. I love making new friends, I love embroidering and going to Goodwill and finding cool pants, I love staring at cute people, I love lemon drops and my dogs. I get really, really sad sometimes, and I love the moment about two weeks after when I realize that I don't feel so bad any more and life is still going on. I love sitting in the car with my friends and blasting music we all like, I love my friends in general!! I love really fresh vegetables and flower gardens, I love art that makes me cry and art that haunts my head and makes me swoon. I love standing up for what I believe in. I love reading and learning new ideas, philosophy and sociology, prose and language.
There are so many timeless parts of being alive that will persist through even the shittiest year: these are all things I've been doing since before 2016, and things I'm still doing, and things I will keep doing no matter what. A pivotal part of me learning about my own forms of self care was the realization that I need to be okay with feeling humbled -- the concept of being cooler and better than the people around you (and within that, cynical and more "hardened") is, I think, inherently flawed. It's something I believed in for a long part of my teenage years, and coming to question it now has taught me so much about what I want to get out of being alive. There's so many things to live for! Even in the worst year I think I'm yet to experience, there have been shining moments: blossoming closeness with new friends, writing essays I was really proud of, finishing books I loved, going to lots of concerts, cutting my hair really short again. Even nationally and globally, there are good things to be found.
There is no excuse to ignore the backward steps we take. A Trump presidency, I firmly believe, will threaten so many peoples' safety and happiness in this country and beyond, police brutality and hate crimes are an ever-present issue that needs to be counteracted and outwardly opposed; big corporations and business magnates (think: the Army Corps of Engineers, Martin Shkreli, and many more) are constantly willing to disregard the well beings of the people below them. Yet, there are lots of little, cool, lovely things that exist in the world. I don't think we can say everything is peachy (it most certainly is NOT peachy at this point in time), but there are lots of reasons to keep going. I am excited to meet babies, I am already looking forward to next spring when the first blooms begin, there are lots and lots of beautiful things that are yet to happen. 2016 was heart-wrenchingly difficult, that is by no means a lie, but I still find myself thinking of all the beauty that persists in this world. Think of it this way: we lost Bowie, Prince, and Cohen, but we still have their songs.
