School has been in session for a little over a month now, and I'm trying to do things differently this time. Typically by this point in the year, I would have let myself fall back into the routine of stress and, essentially, no outside hobbies or leeway for myself. I remember a classic signifier that the school year had really begun in full force was coming home on a night with no homework and not knowing what to do; I used to flush all of the leisure out of my life when school rolled around, and just shut off, turn into a drone.
I've been working to unlearn this, because I'm not really sure why I started doing it in the first place. Perhaps it's like having a full phone -- something has to be erased in order to continue filling, and in my case it often ended up being my summer calm that got pushed out. I wasn't a cold-blooded, punctual, not-procrastinator, though; I still did things relatively last minute, but I would just lay around in my free time. I would, literally, nap from the moment I got home from school until dinner, wake up, eat, do homework, watch videos, and go straight back to bed. Somewhere in the middle of junior year (maybe February?) I realized how screwed up that pattern was. Why couldn't I spend the afternoons doing things I used to like doing in the summer? Before school started each fall, I was free every single day and managed to fill that time amply, and I know I wasn't sleeping away the hours. I must have been doing something, and so I vowed to myself that I'd try with all my might to romp around as much as I could during senior year.
It's been tough, but I think maintaining some level of connection to the lifestyle I had going in July has helped a lot so far. Two weeks ago, I found myself sitting in the back seat of my friend's car with Lil Dicky's awful, awful (genius) 10-minute track Pillow Talking thumping through the speakers, and it felt good to look down at my phone and notice that it was 10pm, and not feel too worried about it being a Thursday night. I did my homework, and then I went out, and that's okay. I got home and went to sleep, and I went to school the next day, and I was fine, but I didn't spend my time in the same sort of comatose I was so used to slipping into in the past. Even if it takes some force to break my old school year habits, I'm glad, because it really does pay off. I'm still experiencing new things, seeing my friends, and hanging my arms out of the passenger windows, even though it's September, and I have papers due, and that's okay. :-)
Wow. This sounds amazing. I'm definitely stuck in that phase where I cut all fun and social activities out of my life during the school week, just because feel like I have to. It's nice to know that there is another alternative though, and that it works. Maybe it's sorta like the "work hard, play harder" sort of thing? Great post! You've inspired me to try to change my ways :)
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of my senior year in college. I spent my first couple years of college in hyper-conscientious mode, studying all the time to the exclusion of all else. And that was its own kind of fun, and important b/c I felt like I had to show myself I could succeed in college. But then I went and did a study abroad program in Ireland, where the pace of life was just really different (for example: if there was a big football [soccer] match, the whole campus would just shut down and everyone would be in the pubs watching the game). And when I got back to the US and returned to my usual college routine, I realized I could do good work and succeed in school and go to the occasional movie on a weekday or take random afternoon bike rides with my friends. It's important to relax, too (and relax purposefully rather than only vegetatively as a defense mechanism against stress).
ReplyDeleteVery good read. Brought up an issue I didn't even really notice I just accepted. I like the sort-of counter-intuitive response of having to consciously do more "fun" things during the year especially. Very relevant to Uni in particular
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