I forgot how much I love reading

I haven't read a book outside of class, like really sat down and gotten involved, been so excited about the next chapter I can't focus in school kind of read, in about a year and a half. The last book I read cover to cover was either Turtle Diary by Russell Hoban, By Night In Chile by Roberto Bolaño, or Book of Monelle by Marcel Schwob. These all came with each other, in a cloudy space between spring and summer of sophomore year. Since then, I've built a teetering, fragile pile of books I need to read: Geek Love, Kafka on the Shore, Riddley Walker, and so many more. I hate looking at this mound, sending guilt up my spine, knowing I'm not going to read most of the novels any time soon, so every once in a while I'll start one of them offhandedly. I know the names of at least some characters of Geek Love, the first half of the plot of Lolita, the general concept behind Feathers by Raymond Carver, yet I never manage to seriously pursue the stories.

I watch a lot of TV online, I read a lot of articles, I read a lot of zines, I read a lot of poetry, but there is nothing, in my opinion, as gripping and manipulative as novels. In a lot of ways, I sort of expected myself to grow away from novels, fiction in general, by now. Neither of my parents read much fiction; my mother reads philosophy and my father reads articles. I started Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin this week, and it threw me violently back into literature. There's something electrifying about reading after a long, long break, moreso than slamming through book after book, in the same way that a fresh crush feels all the more heavenly after a breakup. I'm sure you can relate, but it's intoxicating when you can't stop thinking about something, person or book.

Fiction will never cease to enchant me. There is so much complexity and potential in prose and I find that incredibly captivating. The first time I sat down to start Giovanni's Room, I only got about one chapter in. It was late, right before bed, and I was reading out of some constructed guilt without my gut really being in it; but coming back with a desire to get back into fiction made so much of a difference; now, I've read almost half the book in a single sitting, and only stopped myself because college applications were looming over my head.

I'm not sure if I have a point with this blog post, but it's so satisfying to have a story waiting for you to return, and to have that NOT be from TV or movies. I forgot how much I love to read!!