Self care

Lately time's been rushing by way, way too quickly. Daily routine seems to make the days lurch by, yet it's already the end of the quarter and I find that to be unbelievable, if not daunting. In a limbo like this, it can be difficult to remember the importance of taking care of yourself.

I had no free time this weekend -- Saturday was a mix of hanging out, babysitting, and domestic responsibilities, Sunday a mess of homework and errands. Early Saturday morning I went out and walked underneath the clouds and murk, ate lengua tacos in dingy restaurants with my friends, drove to both Goodwill stores in Champaign County, babysat until it was dark enough to see the almost-full moon, and went to Target an hour before closing with my dear friend. We took the long way because I'm too scared to drive on the highway yet. By the end of the night I was so burnt out I needed time for myself -- it's that classic teenage angst, the kind where you don't want to be with anyone, don't want to go home, just want to be out in your own head. As a recently-licensed 17 year-old, there's something electrifying about night driving still and, however minor it might be, 5 minutes of extra cruising time was an act of self care in that instant.

On the way home from Chicago last week, my brother and I had a really meaningful conversation about our tendencies. My friend was asleep in the backseat, and for the first time in months, Simon and I got to talk for hours on our own. He drove. The darkness of the highway was hypnotic and lulling. We agreed that both of us act in really particular ways -- specifically, we tend to exist in an awkward space between hermit, socialite, and introvert. Neither of us will actively seek people out, but we love closeness with friends and emotional intimacy. We've always had one or two incredibly close friends each, and that's enough. He's in school for landscape architecture, and I'm currently trying to decide between sociology and NRES; he wants to live on his friend's farm after university, my dream job is currently either being a national park ranger or a florist. We've somehow paralleled each other in multiple ways, and I think that intense need for alone time (hermit-ness, really), is a manifestation of both of our self-care routines as well.

Being alone for long periods of time is, honestly, integral in my life, and senior year is making it difficult for me to work in meaningful personal time. Simon told me he loves living at home because he gets to spend his days biking around a town he already knows and drawing flowers in his room, and I couldn't help but want the same; self care is a constant in my brother's life and, though I know eventually this will all calm down, I miss it badly right now!